Blame TV for Your Fat, Drunk 11-Year-Old's STD

With exams around the corner (my first is a week from today), I have much less time to post. For the next three weeks, blogging will be lighter than usual. Since studying all day isn't my favorite thing to do, there's a good chance I'm a bit more testy than usual. So when I caught this article on CNN.com the other day, I about tossed my laptop out the window. I'll share my favorite parts along with a little commentary of my own.


"Inappropriate advertising contributes to many kids' ills, from obesity to anorexia, to drinking booze and having sex too soon, and Congress should crack down on it, the American Academy of Pediatrics says."

Bullshit, but whatever. I wanna know how television can cause both anorexia AND obesity? And what's the problem with anorexia anyway?

"Advertising examples cited in the statement include TV commercials for sugary breakfast cereals and ... ads for Viagra and other erectile dysfunction drugs shown during televised sports games"

I'm pretty sure kids aged 2-6 aren't the NFL's target audience, but explain to me how ED drug advertisements affect children. First off, a five year old can't even pronounce "erectile dysfunction", let alone figure out what it is. Second, those commercials don't ever advocate promiscuity among young people. Have you even seen a young person in a Viagra commercial? And third, I'm pretty sure kids do the opposite of what their parents do anyway.

"These pervasive ads influence kids to demand poor food choices, and to think drinking is cool, sex is a recreational activity and anorexia is fashionable, the academy says."

Drinking, recreational sex, and anorexia ARE cool and fashionable. So really these ads are just educational. You don't really wanna lie to your kids, do you?

"In response, the academy says doctors should ask Congress and federal agencies to:

• ban junk-food ads during shows geared toward young children;

It's definitely your kids' fault for eating junk food and not your fault for buying it for them.

• limit commercial advertising to no more than 6 minutes per hour, a decrease of 50 percent;

Interesting concept. I'm all for less commercials. That way, kids can watch even more of their favorite G.I Joe or Power Ranger or whatever the hell they watch these days brutally shoot, kill, maim, and generally beat the shit out of other cartoon characters.

• restrict alcohol ads to showing only the product, not cartoon characters or
attractive young women

Yes. It all comes down to attractive young women - those little devils with great bodies and short skirts. If only they had watched all these vile advertisements when they were younger, they'd be obese, too, and we wouldn't have this problem.


ENOUGH! Now you've crossed the line. Blame anything else for all that's wrong with you. Hell, blame me. But don't blame attractive young women. They're the only material objects that are any good in this sad, superficial world.

I grew up on G.I. Joe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Tom and Jerry, and all the other sweet shows that existed before everything got pussified into Barney. And I turned out okay for the most part. I rarely get the urge to impale Shredder with a dagger or two anymore (Raphael was cool, but rude!). Plus, without G.I. Joe, I wouldn't know so much valuable shit (and knowing is half the battle). Like, for years I cut up the rings on plastic six-pack holders so little fishes wouldn't get their stinky heads stuck in them and die. Hell, my parents threw law darts and shot rifles when they were kids.

So my question is this: how is it possible that we shelter and censor more and more each year and yet we manage to find more and more wrong with America's youth? How many more things are we going to find to blame before someone steps up and starts telling YOU it's YOUR fault your kid is fat, drunk, and diseased by age 11? It's more than a little ironic that parents are supposed to teach children how to take responsibility for their actions yet can't do so themselves. It's hypocritical and grossly irresponsible.

Geeez... okay I'm done ranting now. Just leave me alone with my cool beer and fashionable anorexic chick.

As You Like It

I thought green tea was supposed to make you feel better. I wanted to feel really good, so I drank eleven cups of it in two hours. Now I don't feel so good at all.

The Most Wonderful Time

Alright. So I got drunk, stayed out too late, and missed my train to Paris. Way to go me.

Despite my little miscue this morning, things are lookin’ up. Waffles are great for hangovers, and Leuven just hung a bunch more Christmas lights. But best of all, it’s a snow day in Chicago. Schools are closed, plows are out. I seriously can’t wait to throw snowballs at my dogs. It’s been mild here way too long. I want feet of the fluffy white stuff, and I want it NOW! While I'm waiting, I’ll sip my mulled cider and cue the Christmas music. Good enough.

Home.

[UPDATE: My Dad took a picture of our house sans snow-blow and sent it to me yesterday. Love it. Miss it. And it's much better than the winter picture I originally posted here.]

Weekend's Prelude

It's been a long week, O my brothers. In addition to the standard grind, I'm now gearing up for exams, the first of which I write in less than two weeks. We also ended up playing a boat load of indoor soccer last night, so I'm sore as hell. You'd think I'd take the night off and sleep, but Cafe Wink is calling my name once again (Damn you, Wink! Damn you!).

Not to worry - it won't affect my travel. I'll be in Paris tomorrow, Brussels on Saturday, Rome next weekend. Love it.

I gotta run now - Stella's waitin' for me - but don't worry; I'll return with more pictures in a few days. In the mean time, I'll leave you with two of Jeff's photos from his visit back in September. Oktoberfest 2007 should be even better.

The four of us, three Finnish dudes, and one very lucky Bavarian chick. 7:1 - that's how we roll.

Lindsey, you've taught me well.

Stockholm Archipelago

Before I talk about the islands we visited, I have to mention the coolest thing I saw the entire trip. You have to understand, I’ve long had a fetish for trimarans, especially of the racing sort. Given Stockholm’s location on the Baltic Sea, you can imagine the number and variety of boats on the water. While cruising out of the harbor one morning, we came across one such trimaran. Later, we found it docked at the same island we visited. Check it out.

Pure Menace.

Sweetest. Boat. Ever. One day, I'll own one, and I'm not even joking.

On the way back from the island, we saw it sailing again. In the picture below, you can see it listing to one side. Moments before I snapped the photo, the boat turned and in doing so tilted at least 35 degrees. One of the coolest things ever. The boat was also, by far, the fastest thing on the water. Bear in mind it was moving under sail while everything else in the harbor was under full throttle. I can’t express how impressive I find really fast sailboats and how much I love to watch them.

One last boat note. We came across this military ship thingie during another trip. I didn’t see it until it was almost on top of us. Who knew camouflage actually worked so well?


Ok, enough of boats. The first islands in the archipelago we visited were Vaxholm and Grinda. Vaxholm, which supports a small community, notwithstanding, the islands are mostly uninhabited and serve primarily as camping and hiking sites. During the summer, they’d be a great place to visit. In October, however, when it’s cold and wet, the situation gets a bit more complicated. On the upside, however, is that the leaves were changing. All things considered, the first day of hiking was very pleasant. The clouds even broke briefly for about twenty minutes.

Grinda.

Robert Frost, eat your heart out.

Given that the island only has a few permanent residents, I was convinced something foul was afoot. During our hike, I found evidence. The Swedish government, or perhaps some rogue organization of international bandits, is clearly performing sick and twisted genetic experiments on animals. If you don’t believe me, I present the hybrid goat, ram, sheep, thing below:

I didn’t find any lasers coming out their eyes, but you never know. Watch out.

More pics from the Grinda...

The sum total of civilization on Grinda was a small lodge (or evil lair?).

Our second excursion was a bit less successful than our first. While Vaxholm and Grinda took a little over an hour to reach by boat, Finnhamn, our destination the second day, took three hours. Still, all would have been okay but for the unrelenting, torrential rains. When we finally arrived at the island, we actually found a small hostel not too far inland. Hoping they might have a place to grab some food and warm up (it was only about 40 degrees), we stopped in. Luckily, someone was there, but they had nothing to eat. Instead, she directed us to a small store about a five kilometers from the hostel that sold vegetables and vinegars from a local farmer. Giver her description, we thought it sounded promising, so we headed out in the pouring rain. Below is what we found:



Now, don’t get me wrong. It was a cool, little place. There was no attendant, so you just took what you wanted and left your money on the table. And the vegetables were HUGE. Trouble was, we took a six-hour round-trip boat ride to a nearly uninhabited island in the middle of the Baltic Sea, and then hiked 10 kilometers round-trip through pouring rain, standing water, and thick mud, and this was our reward. I was a little bitter. Nonetheless, I’ll always remember it. Good or bad, it was an unforgettable experience. And that, I suppose, is the point of traveling.

Where.I.Am

I was messing around with Google Earth, and I thought I'd pinpoint my precise location for all my geographically challenged readers out there. I'm the little, yellow push pin. If you can't really see it, click on the image for a larger map. I'm not sure why, but looking up places on this thing gets addictive.

Stockholm City

It’s been so long I had to check my calendar. Stockholm came and went for me a little more than a month ago. This post is a long time comin’.

The weather, much like the new layout and writing quality of this blog, was shit. With more or less constant rain, it and I were cold the entire time. But I was also, after all, in Stockholm. Life could have been worse.

A quick rundown of the essential: Stockholm is built on 14 islands, most of which sit in the Baltic Sea. Extending further out from the coast is the Stockholm archipelago, a series of over 24,000 islands (more on these in the next post). Though we stayed on Norrmalm, the modern center, the city was first built on the historic Old Town of Gamla Stan. We also spent time on Djurgarden, home to several museums and parks, and Sodermalm, the city’s funky, bohemian area.

As usual, I spent the first day walking the city. We also took a combination bus and boat tour through the main areas, and I must say Stockholm would be among the most picturesque cities I’ve yet seen (perhaps second only to Edinburgh) but for the low, dark, and omnipresent clouds. Even so, a few of my photos hint at what awaits those who visit during sunnier days.

Gamla Stan up close. Love the architecture.

The whole of Gamla Stan from our boat as we left the harbor.

The second day brought more rain, so we headed for cover inside Stockholm’s Vasa Museum. The Vasa is an old Man-of-War that at one time was the largest ship in Sweden’s navy. Unfortunately, it sank on its maiden voyage a bunch of years ago in 1628. Despite the best efforts of our patriotic tour guide to explain otherwise, it basically sank because it was a shitty design. The King personally ordered that a second row of canons be placed above the first, thus throwing off its proportions and causing it to be way too tall and narrow for its own good.

Just how unstable was it? Before each ship was put out to sea, the crew did a stability test which consisted of thirty men standing on one side of the ship and then running to the other. This was repeated several times. The purpose was to get the boat rocking side-to-side and make sure it wouldn’t tip over. When this test was performed on the Vasa, the commanding officer had to stop the men after they made only three runs across the ship because a fourth would have caused it to tip. And yet, because the King really wanted his precious two-gun-deck ship, they sent it off. It didn’t even get out of the harbor before a stiff wind broadsided the vessel, tipped it to one side, and sent it to the deep blue depths below.

Anyway, the Vasa sank in really cold water, which prevented most of the rot and decay. It was recently raised, restored, and put on display. If it sounds boring, you’re wrong. I thought it would be, too, but somehow we ended up spending like four hours in the museum. It was super cool. Unfortunately, to preserve the wood it was also very dark inside, so the pictures are difficult to see.

This is a mock-up of the Vasa. The actual ship stands in the background.

The Vasa, standing at the back and looking toward the front.

Our last day was spent back on Gamla Stan at the Nobel Museum. It's very new, opened only a few years ago, and it’s also very small. Nonetheless, there are few museum experiences I’ve enjoyed more. As someone who plans on winning a Peace Prize one day, I was a huge fan.

Nobel Museum. Look for my picture in here in about forty years.

Before we left, I meandered around Gamla Stan a bit more. A few minutes of people-watching and it’s clear that the legend of a nation full of tall, blonde, blue-eyed, gorgeous women is absolutely true. The other thing I noticed was a bit less exciting. In addition to the ubiquitous McDonalds, Pizza Huts, T.G.I. Fridays, and Burger Kings that infest most every city, Stockholm has a ton of 7-Elevens. Go figure. The irony here is that the aforementioned beautiful blonde behind the counter speaks better English than any 7-Eleven attendant you’ll find back in the States.

Narrow street on Gamla Stan with another 7-Eleven.

A few other randoms...

Sunset over Norrmalm.

A rare peak at blue skies over the water.

In case you missed my ugly mug, here's me freezing on a boat in the archipelago.

Makin' the Most of It

I went to the waffle store today. It's about 8 minutes from my apartment. I bought two waffles; one for lunch, and one for later. By the time I got home, it was later. I had to lie down afterward because it made me sick, but that didn't make the second waffle any less delicious.

Always Low Prices

Ah yes, Black Friday. The day after we celebrate the most American of holidays, we celebrate the most American of past times: consumerism. While I can't be there to share in the revelry (or endless, checkout counter queues), I wish you all the best of luck in your respective shopping endeavors.

And while you all walk off (or polish off) that Turkey Day feast, Europe continues to march on, oblivious to the joy of the best holiday weekend ever. Though most everyone here missed the point, my Thanksgiving dinner wasn't all that bad. Turkey was decent; mashed potatoes yummy; apple pie delicious. The company was good and even the football games were fun to watch. True, I missed my family (and my mom's mandarin orange jello salad - a staple at the Delaney family Thanksgiving dinner table), but I can't complain too much. I enjoyed myself. I hope you did, too.

Unfortunately, it's back to work for me. I'm not traveling this weekend, so with luck I'll catch up on the little things I've put aside lately. These include several blog posts on several cities. Between bites of the turkey sandwiches you'll have for the next week, check back and look for new material.

Turkey Day!

Today is my busy day (8 hours of class followed by another two of indoor soccer games), so I unfortunately don't have time to say much. But a few quick notes nonetheless:

Budapest was fantastic. Unlike Krakow, the struggle for democracy (and the presence of Communism) remains palpable. I gained an excellent understanding of what life was like under Communist rule. And the thermal baths... oh, the thermal baths. By far my favorite "cultural experience" I've had in my short but growing career as a traveler. I promise to expound later.

Unrelated, but more important: in the event I don't post tomorrow, I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. For my part, I'll join 14 or so other Americans for my first expat Turkey Day. The (Aussie) owners of an expat bar here have graciously offered to cook up a proper meal for us, and as an added bonus we'll be able to hang out and watch football while all that tryptophan and alcohol does its best to pass us out. A near-complete Thanksgiving feast, we'll only be short a too-drunk relative or two and a little family drama. So, my American friends, wherever you find yourself tomorrow - from Samoa to Irvine, L.A., San Fransisco, Denver, Chicago, Pittsburgh, D.C., London, Leuven, and back to Cambodia (sorry if missed anyone!) - HAPPY THANKSGIVING!