Wednesday, February 14, 2007


Hell hath no fury like three baked girls in Panera when the manager gives away the bakery.

It snowed today. A lot. The University cancelled all classes for the first time in nearly thirty years. Of course, I didn’t find out until I actually went to class. All dressed up with no where to go, I headed out in search of coffee and nice place to study. Some stuff happened in between (three clues: snow, rear-wheel drive, unplowed parking lots), but eventually I made my way to Panera. Six or eight other brave souls (all of whom drove Jeeps!) had the same idea, including aforementioned “artists,” but the restaurant was otherwise empty.

Not long after I arrived, the manager announced he was closing the restaurant and sending his employees home before the roads worsened. But what’s a bakery to do with a day’s worth of fresh-baked goods and no one to buy them? Give them all away!

Now, I’ve spent alotta time around alotta people high on all whatever kind of bud or hash they preferred (after all, I lived in a frat house for a year), but never have I EVER seen three stoned girls move so fast! They were up at that counter quicker than beer turns to piss. Ludicrous Speed. It was like watching kids in a toy store, but not. Maybe hyperactive kids on crack in a crack store? Anyway, when they finished, each girl had a couple boxes and a bag full of spoils - scones, brownies, pastries, muffins, you name it. They have their work cut out making sure it all gets eaten. Good thing classes are cancelled tomorrow, too.

For my part, I took a cinnamon roll. And then, I took another. Whatever. Maybe I’ll knock up Starbucks tomorrow. And maybe I’ll throw more snowballs at cars passing by my balcony. Or perhaps I’ll just play football in four foot snow drifts. If only there was a good sledding hill around here...

Yeah, I pretty much love snow days.

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